Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I was thinking about what to write for my next post and all of a sudden it dawned on me…parents stop lying to your kids. Now, I understand the logic behind most lies but the fact of the matter is you are still lying even if you are doing it with the best intentions. For instance, let’s say you are one of the millions of parents out there who tells your kids that there is a jolly fat m.f.’er who squeezes his big toosh down the chimney to give them presents for being good all year or that the Easter Bunny crapped out a butt load of chocolate eggs for them or that the Tooth Fairy who should get a day job steals the teeth from them and sells them on the black market for cash. I'm positive that you don't say that ver batem but I still don’t agree with any of that mess and I was one of those children whose parents insured their existence. I have to say when I figured it out about Santa and the like it kind of stole the magic and joy from the holiday for me. Basically, this is my take on the whole of legendary lies: there is enough magic in the world, about how it works and came to be that I don’t have to embellish it through holiday characters. I tell my children the truth that the man we call Santa was a real guy who was trying to show God’s love to people and we still honor his memory by dressing up and making songs about him but he isn’t supposed to be the focus. And instead of indulging them in the fantasies of the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny we study the legends behind the characters and how the ideas and stories came to be. My kids have something better…me. I am Mama Claus, the Easter Mommy and the Tooth Witch. I mean, heck, should I do all the work for my kids and let some fat dead guy or an egg laying rabbit or a scantaly clad pixie take the credit? Uh, let me think about that one…No! I am real so I want them to believe in me and the magic that is wasted on those bozos isn’t wasted at all in my house… we have the magic of unconditional love of an honest mama for her truth seeking darlings.
Another instance I must discuss is the fact that parents lie to their kids all the time about how wonderful and perfect they are especially when they aren’t. Don’t get me wrong I compliment and praise my children for their talents in every way. However, I refuse to tell them there isn’t room for improvement because there is no thing as perfect and I am a prime example of that. My kids know that I will praise them for their effort and be honest about it at the same time. I don’t want to tell them they are fantastic when they weren’t and take a risk on them making a fool of themselves. Just take a glance at American Idol and you will see what I am talking about. There are many who try out and don’t make it because the sounds they make actually could make someone’s ears bleed. Somewhere along the line they were lied to and someone influential told them they were singers and then they got on national television and made an absolute fool of themselves. And all because no one had the guts to tell them the truth, no one had the balls to say they had room to improve, so they send them to Simon the Butcher of Dreams and then it becomes his fault all of a sudden because they suck. There is such a thing as constructive criticism and all in the world it means is to be honest and sincere and gentle and praise talent where praise is due and be honest about improvements that could be made based on lessons you may have learned. I am not a total B that never compliments her children. In point of fact, I couldn’t say enough about how incredible my kids are. But I also know enough to tell them they may not be able to do everything perfectly but they can try and I can help.
The last instance in this sermon about not lying to your kids I want to talk about not lying about yourself. Your kids will naturally put you on a pedestal whether you deserve it or not and what you do when you are on that pedestal will decide whether your kids hide stuff from you like you do to them. Of course age appropriate information is also a condition of the honesty between an adult and a child but there is no sense in hiding your humanity. You make mistakes so don’t let your pride get in the way of your honesty. I tell my kids that I am sorry when I drop an f-bomb around the house or if I blame one of them for something they didn’t do. I tell them I made a mistake and ask if they forgive me because I am not perfect no matter how high the pedestal may be. And, really, the higher the pedestal the further there is to fall and since pride comes before the fall it is almost a mathematical certainty that if you are not honest about your own condition to your kids you will most likely fall more often and harder. I tell my kids about my past and the mentally deprived mistakes I have made in hopes that they will hear me and realize that they don’t have to make the same ones. They will be less likely to keep things from me because I open the door to honesty myself and invite them in to share some of my worste moments and less than admirable times. And maybe, just maybe, I will succeed in my deep died plot to ruin the surprise of adolescence for them so they won’t be as awful and miserable as I was. I talk to them about the awkwardness of teenage sex because it is just remarkably bad and I know that from personal experience but I also tell them that God can take all of our carnal crap and slap some grace on it and turn it into what I have now. I tell them the truth about myself so they can not only learn from my mistakes but they can tell me about the new mistakes they are making.
Fact is lying is lying whether magical or protective or prideful. Just don’t bake the honest to goodness truth in a cake that won’t rise…